FUNNY STUFF!!!! Consumer Labels
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods that can be found today being sold in stores nationwide:
1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(But..., that's the only time I have to work on my hair) 2. On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how. . . ?) 3. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's "just" a suggestion) 4. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Oops, too late!) 5. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(Hmm . . . .) 6. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?) 7. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope) 8. On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to underwater?) 9. On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.) 10. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."
(NEWS FLASH) 11. On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.) 12. On a Swedish chain saw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? . . . Good grief!) 13. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
"Do not use on food."
(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK, honey, just grab the Palmolive!) Questions that will always remain unanswered. 1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
4. Is there another word for synonym?
5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
6. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
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